Snowy Day

My feet are cold. It's a lazy, snowy day- my second day off in a row, so I can really enjoy the quiet nothingness. I can ponder on the frigidity of my feet for as long as I want until I finally decide to either put socks on or wait until they turn the same shade of blue as my jeans so that it will look as though I did it on purpose.

I spent all of yesterday overcome with a general feeling of "Huh?" as I seem to do lately on my rare days off. Someone told me after my last day off that it generally helps to have two days off in a row, so that you can be confused by the free time on the first day, then come to terms with it enough to enjoy it on the second. It seems to be true.

I'd love to say that I've been a model of acomplishment considering there are a lot of important things I haven't had time to do lately. Instead I'm listening to Norah Jones, enjoying a cup of tea, watching the snow fall, and putting my thoughts into the ether. A cuddle with my cat is sure to follow. Good thing I trimmed his claws yesterday!

Thoughts, thoughts... they've been swimming around in my head a lot lately and need to be sorted into neat little files in my head. Mostly they're confused thoughts about "shoulds". Should I be down in Florida helping to make sure that everything is being done the best it can be for my father? Should I be spending more time at work fixing and organizing? Seems impossible lately, since I can't seem to fix or organize anything for myself. Should I be dedicating myself to singing? And what happened there? Will I ever get back on track?

All of these thoughts (and there are more) seem to require a full dedication to one thing at the expense of all the others. I float, not really commited to doing anything. I love passion; I miss passion. I have no passion of any kind. It has, however, been replaced with some other wonderful emotions.

There is rapturous wonder when I step outside and find that it snowed all night and the trees are bowing towards me, heavy with snow. There is calm. There is a quiet but ever-present and sometimes overwhelming love for my family, which includes Kirsten, of course. She's probably the most passionate person I know.

Well, that's more than enough for today. I *should* do some laundry. That's it; one small should-y step at a time. Before you know it, I'll be should-ing all over the place.

;),
Jenn